Monthly Archive: November 2010

7

Gym Jerks: People I Hate

I’m lucky enough to have access to a gym that is stocked with everything I need, nothing I don’t, few people, and fewer egos. But recently I revisited a local “hardcore” facility for a...

10

The Scariest Movie Ever Made

Some of you have almost certainly seen the 2003 film, Jeepers Creepers 2. On the surface, it’s a pretty solid little horror movie, with some clever gimmicks, good scares, and a decent amount of...

5

Vanilla Dreams

I pause after urinating into a toilet that probably hasn’t been cleaned in months. Looking to the vending machine on the graffiti-stained wall, I wonder what sort of life a woman must have led...

4

How To End A Blind Date…Quickly

Most guys have been on the sort of disastrous blind date that leaves them wanting to squeeze out of the restaurant’s undersized bathroom window. Social norms dictate that we’re somehow obligated to, rather than...

9

20 Things I Am Thankful For

1. I am thankful that I am not in jail for having been arrested for trespassing on my own property. 2. I am thankful for having an unnaturally thick skull that has saved my...

5

Impossible Choices: A Holiday Game

When the Neralich family is together, it has become holiday tradition that I force my sweet little mother to play a warped, extremely uncomfortable game of my own invention. It’s based on the novel/movie,...

12

Charlene: Hiding Behind The Devil

In response to my most recent article, I received the following reply: Charlene says: November 22, 2010 at 2:46 pm “So you and your brothers are overly muscled misogynist assholes who drink, womanize, and...

3

Tomahawk Highway

Driving across this vast expanse of nearly barren Kansas land, I can’t help but stare at the bleak horizon while thinking of the countless settlers who, riding in stiff wooden wagons packed to overflowing...

11

Ring to Worm: A Journey In Cheating

As one authority said in an article I read recently, there is but a single animal in existence that is known to practice strict monogamy all of the time: a sort of tapeworm which...

5

Turkey Day Trials

With Thanksgiving looming right around the corner, I thought I’d devote a little piece to some of the shit I go through (and cause other people to go through) during the turkey day holiday....

12

The Real Roadhouse: We Were Bouncers

  For quite a few years, I, along with a motley crew of seven or eight other intrinsically badass gentlemen, worked three nights per week as bouncers in the sort of beyond-low-rent yet somehow...

2

Screw Sundays: Some Things I Hate

I hate rich people who pretend to be environmentally conscious via driving Smart Cars. If you have the money for a nice, regular automobile, then why the fuck invest in a glorified go-cart? The...

6

Twilight Isn’t Bright: 10 Reasons Why Edward Sucks

Because my girlfriend could double for a Keebler elf, her cuteness sometimes gets to me; and, in weaker moments, I somehow find myself giving in to her estrogen-soaked needs. So, yes, I’ve seen the...

10

Predators: Brody Versus Arnie

“Predator” is a perfect film. “Predators” pays homage to that film quite well. But after talking over the subtle intricacies of the latter movie with a few friends of mine, here is why I’ve...

25

The Asshole Equation: Why Women Want What They Want

Let’s not beat around the bush here (no pun intended).  As a rule, nice gentlemen wind up with either physically unattractive women or those hopelessly damaged females who, after having been ridden hard by many assholish men, look for solace in a kind provider. This is...

2

Darwinian Cheeseburger

Primitive man expended enormous amounts of energy scouring the wild for food that was calorically sufficient to sustain the lives of he and his cave-dwelling family. Maybe he was able to hunt/gather what they required for day-to-day survival. Maybe...