Monthly Archive: January 2011

7

Dear Jonny, Am I Evil?

Dear Jonny, I’m cheating on my girlfriend with three different strippers. Sometimes while she is at church. I drink, I smoke, and I take drugs. I don’t exercise and my diet sucks. I lie...

3

Dear Jonny, Horrible Death?

Dear Jonny, I’ve always thought burning to death would be the most horrible way to die. Can you think of anything worse? – Dan-o Dear Dan-o, But of course. How about having a syringe-full...

9

Dear Jonny, Burn In Hell

Dear Jonny, A friend of mine showed me this site because she is stuppid and thinks its cool. I immediatly recognized you and later recognized all the guys from the Wild On club when...

8

But That’s Just Me

Sometimes it’s difficult to look about the world without thinking “How in the hell did so many humans evolve into weird, stupid creatures who eat vegetarian bacon, believe drinking carbonated sugar water is cool,...

6

Dear Jonny, Paranoid?

Dear Jonny, I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years. Most of it has been good. But lately he seems to have been going out more with his guy friends, and I’ve got a...

8

Dear Jonny, Losing Weight?

Dear Jonny, I’m trying to lose as much weight as possible before my 10 year high school reunion (It’s in 5 months). Thing is, I’m not really willing to give up my candy bars,...

6

When It’s Okay To Slap

So I’ve had a lot of women tell me that I’m a misogynist. To them I say: With this piece I hope you’ll see that I’m simply not all bad. In fact, here are...

5

Dear Jonny, Meaning Of Life?

Dear Jonny, What’s the meaning of life? – J.R. Dear J.R., Over the course of our brief lifetimes, it should be our main goal to strive toward achieving and maintaining a balanced existence. Energy...

5

Snowed In(sanity)

1. If, fifteen minutes earlier, under the cover of night, you took a nice, long beer piss in the the portion of the neighbor’s yard that you now see a mother and her children...

8

The Boy, The Bridge, And The Bog

The little boy sat on the abandoned bridge overlooking the bog. He came there each morning, on his walk to school, to watch as the sun’s rays failed to penetrate the bottomless pit of...

5

The Ones Who Are Happy

You watch television programs that showcase humans who have been polished to what you view as physical perfection. The commercials between the programs advertise food and drink that will make you fat and unhealthy...

9

10 Things I Learned From The Film “Black Swan”

1. Never trust a woman who refuses cake. 2. Perfectionism is deadly. 3. Mixing ecstasy with alcohol may lead you to sex in a bathroom stall. 4. Women hate each other. 5. If a...

6

The Future Of Fucking

Now a guy can take a seat in front of his PC and undress various computerized images of women, feel them up, and so forth. If that’s not his cup of tea, he can...

7

Dear Jonny, Nasty Breakups?

Dear Jonny, What’s the craziest thing you’ve seen a woman do over being dumped? – Rick Dear Rick, I once saw the end result of what happened when an acquaintance’s girlfriend of three months...

3

Dear Jonny, Fast Food?

Dear Jonny, When is the last time you ate fast food? What did you have? What’s your favorite? Did you feel like shit afterwards? – D.J. Dear D.J., It’s funny you should ask. While...

4

Katie W.: Her Onion Peeled

In response to my recent posting “Dear Jonny, Girl Trouble…, I received the following message: Katie W. says: January 11, 2010 at 2:08 pm “You really are a sad peice of misoginist shit. Did...

4

Dear Jonny, Getting Fat…

Dear Jonny, If you wanted to get as fat, bloated and unhealthy as possible, as quickly as possible, what would you eat? – Alex Dear Alex, What a great question. Well, I’d make a...

16

Dear Jonny, Girl Trouble…

Dear Jonny, My girlfriend of two years recently cheated on me with one of her hard-partying coworkers. I’d have cut it off immediately, but I care too much for her to simply let things...

2

Benvenuto E Va All’Inferno

The Capo di tutti capi, the boss of bosses, stared with blank, expressionless eyes, as two of the three hit men grabbed his lifeless body and carried it to his sunken jacuzzi bathtub. A...

6

Dear Jonny, Apocalypse?

Dear Jonny, What do you think of all these birds dropping out of the fucking sky? Apocalyptic? – Chase Dear Chase, I’ll tell you that I sure as hell don’t think fireworks were the...