Monthly Archive: February 2011

7

In Pursuit Of Food

A lean, strong, hungry hunter-gatherer tracks his wounded prey through thick jungle foliage. He’s hot, tired, and dehydrated. Deep, dirt-filled creases line his weary, sun-baked face. He relieves his parched throat with a sip...

7

Dear Jonny, Medicine And Doctors?

Dear Jonny, What are your thoughts on Western medicine? Do you think people go to the doctor too often? – Sasha Dear Sasha, The biggest fault of Western medicine is, I think, that it...

6

Dear Jonny, Stuffed Animals…

Dear Jonny, I met a recently divorced 30 year old woman. She’s smart as a whip, good looking, and has a great job. We’ve been on a few dates and they’ve been great. I...

10

Dear Jonny, Shitty French Movies…

Dear Jonny, My girlfriend has gotten big into shitty French movies. I hate every one we’ve seen so far, so she agreed that I could pick the next few (French) films. Do you have...

6

“Phobias”

He tried to blink, but when you no longer have eyelids, you can’t. And he didn’t. His face was cut to bloody ribbons. His nose was gone; sliced off. And portions of his cheeks...

8

Dear Jonny, Valentine’s Day?

Dear Jonny, A few thoughts on Valentines Day? – Andrew Dear Andrew, I’ll give you three. 1) It’s probably a cleverly orchestrated seasonal conspiracy that ever so effectively lines the pockets of big name...

4

Big Mac Conversations

One of the best occasions on which to study the tragedy of the human condition is at a McDonald’s inside a Wal Mart Super Center, around lunch time on Saturday. It’s akin to taking...

4

Dear Jonny, Idiot Philosophers?

Dear Jonny, Why do so many idiots who major in philosophy think that drinking a few beers while out on the town turns them into Socrates? – Sean Dear Sean, Excellent question. Probably because...

5

HUSH

The following exchange between someone calling herself “Natalie,” and myself, was the end result of my most recent Dear Jonny article, in which I listed a number of healthy foods that people should be...

9

Dating Blindly

A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to study a couple as they squirmed like hooked worms on what must have been their tenth or twentieth experience with blind dating. It was interesting...

17

Dear Jonny, What To Eat?

Dear Jonny, I’m trying really hard to lose weight. I’ve been good about following a gym routine, but I don’t know much about diet. Portion control isn’t the problem. I just don’t really know...

10

The Best In The World

During the course of their lives, very few people achieve a measure of true greatness. Many of them are instilled with talents and characteristics that, if fully realized, could propel them to absolute success....

8

Dear Jonny, Facebook Religion?

Dear Jonny, What do you think of people on facebook who are constantly quoting bible verses, attempting to preach the word, and so on? – Heather Dear Heather, Good question. I think it’s weird....

7

Dear Jonny, Guilt And Regret

Dear Jonny, I have done a few things that could land me in prison for the rest of my life. What I did I had no choice but to do, but as a result...

6

Stupid Questions From Stupid People

It’s amazing to me that, on occasion, it’s entirely possible to gauge a person’s fundamental intelligence based on listening to them ask a single question. Here is a list of actual questions that I’ve...

6

T.V.: The Reality

Pretty much the only good television I’ve seen over the course of this last decade was when, in The Sopranos, that annoying dickhead from The Matrix set fire to a horse to collect insurance...

7

Dear Jonny, Heaven And Hell?

Dear Jonny, Do you believe in heaven? Hell? – Claire Dear Claire, I don’t believe that an unrepentant “sinful” existence will lead me to the fiery pits of hell any more than I believe...

8

Dear Jonny, Bodybuilding?

Dear Jonny, My friend is a 26 year old amateur bodybuilder who is bulking up for the winter. He says that a calorie is a calorie if you’re trying to gain weight, so there’s...