Monthly Archive: March 2011

6

Scared Of Flying? Don’t Read This.

I once believed that rolling out of bed to slide, bleary-eyed, into bumper-to-bumper traffic was a pretty stressful occurrence. I recall that at one point I thought having an argument with my wife on...

9

Winning And Losing

In response to my recent article, “In Defense Of Charlie Sheen,” I received the following reply: “Oh, Jon, PLEASE. The world is so much more richly complicated than the two extremes you present in...

7

Dear Jonny, Insanity?

Dear Jonny, What’s the most insane thing you’ve ever seen a person do? – Luke   Dear Luke, It’s almost impossible to single out one specific event, but here are five contenders: 1) Once,...

9

Dear Jonny, Hotel Room Fitness?

Dear Jonny, My job has me traveling internationally (all over the place) for the next six weeks, so I’ll have absolutely no way to visit the gym. I have a pretty good idea of...

10

Dear Jonny, Complicated Women?

Dear Jonny, Why do men insist that women are so complicated? – Stacey   Dear Stacey, Women are portrayed as complicated only because men have a tendency to complicate things. Men get overwhelmed by...

8

Dear Jonny, Women…

Dear Jonny, In your opinion, what’s an attribute that women wish more men had? – Brian   Dear Brian, If I had to pick one, I’d go with spontaneity. Most women have a significant...

6

We’re Almost Fucked

The earth is a brutal, beautiful, naturally indifferent place. The world we have created for ourselves on earth is fast becoming an ugly, disintegrating petri dish teaming with oblivious, ego-driven bacteria-with-brains who talk and...

23

In Defense Of Charlie Sheen

I imagine that up until recently, Charlie Sheen’s days went something like this: Noon or so: Awakening in a mansion to wonderfully raunchy sex with a drop dead gorgeous model and a dead-sexy porn...

7

Dear Jonny, Donuts…

Dear Jonny, An old, wealthy friend bet me three grand that I couldn’t eat two dozen Krispy Kreme chocolate glazed donuts w/ sprinkles (he’s paying for them) per day, for two months. I’m almost...

4

Everything’s Changing

A timeless man sat on a well-worn stool, his trusty dog at his feet, and watched the world pass by. He’d been there a long time; longer than most. And he’d seen a great...

3

Dear Jonny, Thoughts On This Article?

Dear Jonny, What do you think about this article? http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/life/why-women-really-are-better-at-almost-everything-q-a-with-author-dan-abrams-2460114 – EP   Dear EP, I think the only thing that sells better than a sensational claim is a book full of them. I...

8

Of Fate And Farmhouses

The mischievous boy crept down the stairs of the sleeping farmhouse. In a moment he would slip out the back door, hell-bent on a midnight rendezvous with his equally prankish girlfriend. In doing so,...

6

I Am Not Legend

Imagine yourself as an average man living a basic life with a normal family in a medium-sized town. You eat more than you should, exercise less than you should, work a standard 9-5 job,...

5

Dear Jonny, Add Audio?

Dear Jonny, The website is just awesome. But would you consider adding an audio section? After all, it is shutupandLISTENtojon.com and I’d love to hear your uncensored, intelligent rantings on anything and everything. Just...

14

Dear Jonny, The Craziest Woman?

Dear Jonny, What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever seen a woman do? – Joey   Dear Joey, Some years ago I was in a screaming match with my girlfriend at the time. Our relationship...

3

Dear Jonny, I’m Dumb…

Dear Jonny, I have a tendency to get involved with men who are much smarter than I am. Because of that, guys tend to get rid of me after a few months. Sometimes sooner....

10

Dear Jonny, Bouncing Injuries?

Dear Jonny, I just finished reading your “We Were Bouncers” article (awesome bit of writing by the way) and I’m left wondering if you were ever hurt while working in that “wonderful hellhole” of...