Monthly Archive: October 2012

8

Crazy Bitch: Entry Six

An insane ex-girlfriend. A journal found. Published here and dissected by Jon for your enjoyment. Welcome back, friends, to “Diary Of A Crazy Bitch.” November 12 – “I finally had dinner with my family...

6

Summer’s End

There is my brain: pink, pulpy, and splattered across the living room wall. That paranoid neighbor of ours no doubt heard the blast. He’s probably dialing 911 this very moment. Before long the police...

7

The Top Ten Things To Say To Terrify A Random Old Lady

10. “Pardon me, you horny skeleton, but if you looked a wee bit more like my dead grandfather, Captain Leaky Trousers, I’d be willing to briskly rub down your inner thighs with fragrant truffle...

7

Infected

It began the day after I stopped taking my medication. At first there was merely a small, inflamed spot on the tip of my nose – like a slightly infected pimple. We’ve all had...

11

Split Personalities

The duality of our personalities guarantees that we’ll have moments of both unbridled glory and unspeakable shame. I, for one, have experienced plenty of each. Here, for instance, are two of them: Glory: Some...

7

Door Matt

While wolfing down gigantic chunks of perfectly charred beef on Saturday afternoon, I overhead a particularly foul-looking woman use her shrill, piercing voice to scream the following into her cell phone, after casually sipping...