Monthly Archive: February 2013


“What About Dessert?”

There’s something profoundly disturbing about watching a shamelessly obese human being wolf down an entire block of cheddar during lunch break, especially if said person is dunking it greedily into a large jar of...


Shitting On Her Heart

I have a surprisingly clear memory of exchanging Valentine’s Day cards in elementary school. One raven-haired, Crayon-chomping vixen struck me as particularly alluring, so I took great care in scribbling “Will you be my...


Soror-spit-y Girls

I despise uppity sorority girls who dare to openly scoff at me after I’ve absentmindedly spit upon their shoes as they power walk in overly-perfumed hordes through public parks. In reality, they should be...