Within hours of Apple’s official announcement that there will be no iPhone 5, I witnessed at least five different men publicly agonize over what they see as a gross personal injustice. I heard everything from (I’m not embellishing): “This is seriously screwed up, man. Everything I own is Apple, but after this shit I’m going Droid. Fuck! This is unbelievable. I can’t believe it.” to “No, no, no. Are you kidding me? What is this? This can’t be true. It just can’t. Is it? No iPhone 5? Are you serious? Are you sure? Those bastards!” to “I’m just going to pretend this is all a bad dream, sleep on it, and hope I wake up hearing that the iPhone 5 will be on shelves by Halloween.” In other words, people are fucked in the head. It takes some alarming, deep-seated emotional and psychological issues, coupled with one hell of a mundane existence, to suffer a near nervous breakdown over an inability to upgrade your lightning fast, application-stuffed smart phone to one that may allow you to record slightly sharper video of your morbidly obese housecat gorging on a plate of week-old tuna casserole, just so you can upload it to facebook while simultaneously downloading the latest Kanye hit as you have a video conference with your wife to determine what brand of fish sticks have the most crunch. What, exactly, drives someone to become so obsessed with having the quickest, slickest, most aesthetically-pleasing phone? Perhaps they – this breed of technophile – feel that they’re immersed in an immense, worldwide technological pissing contest. Having the best phone, the coolest apps, and the sturdiest protective case becomes something of a coveted status symbol; one that cradles their egos and comforts their brains, one gigabyte at a time. Maybe the condition of their self-esteem is dictated by what the little machine in their hand can and cannot do in comparison to everyone else’s little machine. This gives way to a fierce competition saturated with insecurity and obsession. Rumors of yet-to-be-released, far superior little machines circulate in a jealous, paranoid frenzy. Suddenly it’s all about what MIGHT be around the corner. What MIGHT be in other’s hands before their own. What now? What then?