Stranger Conversations: The Second Experiment
Some time ago I wrote an article based on a perfectly twisted social experiment I performed via asking five random strangers five random, remarkably bizarre questions. Their responses were a healthy mix of bewilderment, confusion, tension, and, in a few cases, sheer terror – I took copious notes. That said, over the course of the last few days I’ve breathed new life into said experiment by repeating the process on five more ever-so-lucky test subjects. I leave you with the second installment of Stranger Conversations:
1. Me (to an obviously stoned-out-of-his-mind teenage cashier): “Hey, dude. Have you ever wondered if the magical fairy who lives behind the Lucky Charms ever asks random customers to cut your brake lines?”
Stoned cashier: “Uh. Uuuuhhhh. No.”
– Observation: From now on, he will always check the sweetened cereal for murderous magical fairies.
2. Me (to a rather attractive forty-something woman pumping gas): “Excuse me, do you realize you’re pumping the remains of earth’s ancient creatures into a metal box on wheels that won’t take you anywhere you haven’t seen before?”
Woman: “What’s your problem?”
– Observation: She has no grasp on reality.
3. Me (to a bespectacled twenty-something man checking out a copy of The Time Machine from the library): “Pardon me, but if I find a way to travel back in time so I can check out that book before you do, would you be more or less likely to set in motion a chain of events that ends with you getting your head chopped off in a Pakistani strip club?”
Bespectacled man: “Um. I, I don’t understand.”
– Observation: He should stick to Green Eggs and Ham.
4. Me (to an extremely drunken fifty-something man searching for his cat): “Sir, what do you think you’ll have for dinner tonight if you suddenly realize you’re searching for a cat who doesn’t exist?”
Drunken man: “Aaaahhhh. Cat needs my lap.”
– Observation: His cat ran far, far away.
5. Me (to an eighty-something woman who slapped her husband in the park): “Ma’m, is it true that bone termites choose to eat the skulls of the elderly because they’re the most defenseless prey?”
Old Woman: “I can’t hear you, sonny.”
– Observation: Getting old fucking sucks.