T.V.: The Reality
Pretty much the only good television I’ve seen over the course of this last decade was when, in The Sopranos, that annoying dickhead from The Matrix set fire to a horse to collect insurance money because his son shot himself with an arrow, causing Tony Soprano to choke him to death in his kitchen before dismembering his body in a bathtub. Other than that, I have, for the most part, been grossly disappointed. Especially with all this reality television shit. Terrible crap. But, just for the hell of it, here is list of 5 reality t.v. programs that I’d actually enjoy watching:
1) A hardcore version of Judge Judy, on which criminals facing the death penalty are shot up with truth serum before being given an abbreviated trial with the use of a lie detector test, the result of which determines whether or not they’re to be executed, right then, on live television, after the audience has decided which execution method best fits their crime.
2) A show that tracks the progress of a group of ultra-healthy neo-hippie Americans of varying ages, each of whom is made to eat the worst food, smoke the nastiest cigarettes, drink the cheapest booze, and experience the most stress in order to make their body as unhealthy as possible. At the end of a month’s time, the person closest to death is the winner.
3) A program that kidnaps the Jerry Springer guests who are restrained before they can really fight, then forces them to smoke lots of meth and drink vast quantities of shitty American beer before using chains, baseball bats, and tire irons to fight to the death in a modern day coliseum.
4) A show that exposes cheating husbands to wives with severe mood disorders, then takes them off their medication before allowing them to torture their hubbies to death, a la’ Hostel.
5) A reality television show that follows around other reality television shows to demonstrate how little they have to do with reality.