The Top Ten Things You Can Say To Scare The Shit Out Of Your Boss
The Top Ten Things You Can Say To Scare The Shit Out Of Your Boss:
10. Last night I watched a flick about a guy who drugs his boss and then tosses him into a trash compactor because he doesn’t get the promotion he deserves. It’s my new favorite movie.
9. Some day they’ll make a Lifetime special about the horribly violent thing that happened between us. It’s too bad we won’t be around to see it.
8. Have you ever fantasized over what it would be like to break into your boss’s house to lace all his food with rat poison? I haven’t.
7. If I ever decide to become a locksmith so I can slip into your office and hide homemade shrapnel-filled bombs under your desk, what color would you like them to be?
6. For almost six years now I’ve been having a hilarious recurring dream about cutting off your legs with a chainsaw. This morning I bought a chainsaw.
5. I’ve been writing a book that explains how easy it is to disable home security systems and cut brake lines. Do you have a garage?
4. Sometimes I like to pretend that I’m a psychotic elf’s ghost who floats around the air-conditioning ducts above your office, sharpening knives.
3. Would you be so kind as to move your desk closer to the window that overlooks the hill I walk up when I’m thinking about how I’m a much better shot than Lee Harvey Oswald ever was?
2. If they made a t.v. show about us, it would be called “The Boss Who Doesn’t Have Any Idea That One Of His Employees Lives In His Basement.”
1. I like the scene in Fight Club when Edward Norton beats himself up and his boss gets blamed for it. If I do the same thing, then blow off your testicles with the pistol you keep in your desk, I bet I’ll get off with self-defense.