Dear Jonny, Divorce? Marriage?

Dear Jonny,

Why do you think the divorce rate in America is so high? Do you think you’ll ever be married? Divorced?

– Misty

Dear Misty,

“Why do you think the divorce rate in America is so high?”

– A married couple either A) gets along very well yet winds up being shitty parents, B) can’t stand one another yet somehow pulls off very effective parenting, or C) fails as both partners and parents. Occasionally, you’ll see D), a couple that somehow clicks in all the right ways and therefore has the best of both worlds, but it’s a rarity. So those couples that “make it,” generally fall into group A or D, but understand that being married for 20-30 or more years doesn’t mean that one or both partners aren’t unhappy, distant, or cheating (possibly all three), regardless of whether or not they decide to go through the legal proceedings of a formal divorce, which, as you know, may be entirely financially imprudent for some people. So the majority of couples who actively seek divorce are from group B), because once the biological obligation has been fulfilled (the kids are raised and out of the house), the couple then has sufficient time to realize how much they’ve fucking hated one another, all along. Group C) is unpredictable, because shitty people often stay together the longest. And there you have it.

“Do you think you’ll ever be married?”

– Only if she’s a multi-billionaire, and we have no prenuptial agreement.

“Divorced?”

– Only if she’s a multi-billionaire, and we have no prenuptial agreement.

– Jonny