Dear Jonny, Girl Trouble…
My girlfriend of two years recently cheated on me with one of her hard-partying coworkers. I’d have cut it off immediately, but I care too much for her to simply let things go. She insisted that I move out for a while, and even slapped me a few times when I yelled about how upset I was. But I’ve been paying for couple’s therapy for the last month and at times it seems like we’re making something like progress. The therapist is an older female, and she seems to think that I’ve been neglecting my girlfriend’s need to grow as a person. I have no idea what that’s supposed to mean. All I know is that my girl practically makes me beg her for sex. Also, I hear that she’s taken to hitting the the club scene a lot, sort of going wild, which is something she never did while we were living together. This last week I’ve spent some serious cash on her, damn near a new wardrobe, upscale dinners, flowers, and so on. But it doesn’t appear to have done much good. She didn’t answer my many calls yesterday or today, and I just don’t know what to make of it all. I mean, I’m a pretty laid back guy, but I’m wanting to pull my hair out here. What do you think? Is it some sort of delayed adolescence? A stage? What should I do?
Own up to the truth. Your “girlfriend” is fucking many men, probably while coked-out or drunk (or both) in the parking lots of numerous seedy nightclubs. She’s probably been doing it all along. Stop being weak. Cease the denial. And quit letting her use/humiliate you. Realize how unnecessarily pathetic you’re allowing yourself to be, then proceed to slap yourself many times. But maintain contact with your girlfriend for as long as it takes you to secretly videotape her performing all sorts of horribly embarrassing sex acts. If she makes you beg, promise her a Hawaiian vacation in return. After you’ve made the video, mail a copy to her parents and grandparents, as well as the neo-hippie-cunt therapist, and, assuming she has one (I’m betting she does), the pastor of her church, before putting it all over the web. Then lose her number and look for a nicer girl. They’re out there. Good luck.