Dear Jonny, Give Us More Answers…
Answer some (more) questions…
“Recently, I lost a friend over a situation where I got upset about my spouse not taking the car to the shop in a timely manner. She felt I was being a lazy princess by not doing it myself, even though the shop is 45 minutes each way from my house – and is five minutes away from my spouse’s office. The argument ended in my calling her a spiteful, jealous bitch. Was that the correct response?”
– Were you being lazy? Was he being lazy? The drive time aside, does your husband’s work schedule permit him to take off long enough to deal with automobile maintanence? If the answers to those questions are no, yes, and yes, then you shouldn’t feel bad about yourself. As for your [former] friend, I imagine that you have a fairly good idea as to whether or not she is, in fact, a spiteful, jealous bitch. If she is – Hell, if her words made her seem that way – then all you really did was speak the truth. There’s nothing wrong with that.
“My girlfriend has a nasty habit of belittling me in front of her friends. I never say anything about it but it really bothers the shit out of me. Why would she do that?”
– She’s doing that because you never say anything about it. Stop being a pussy.
“Korean pop music is becoming big worldwide.The people in it have almost no talent. It’s mostly women showing how hot they are. I predict as it gets more popular and more people want to be pop singers (like it has) Korea will become dumber. Is America to blame for the stupidity of the world (not just this case)?”
– I think the likelihood of your prediction proving true is remarkably high. Since people have a tendency to enthusiastically emulate mindless, up-and-coming pop culture trends, it’s only a matter of time before an enormous chunk of their population completely immerse themselves in the superficial nature of the slick gloss and glitter our country is so famous for. Are we to blame for that? In large part, yes. Foreigners have a propensity to mimicking the more ‘glamorous’ aspects of our culture, so what we’ll eventually see in them is an extension of what’s driven us for so very long. There’s a certain degree of responsibility there. It’s made us very, very dumb. Which means that when they, too, become that way, it was ultimately our road they followed. On the other hand, those people are perfectly capable of making their own choices. If, at the end of the day, they’re foolish enough to buy into the image culture of a country as fundamentally fucked as ours, then perhaps they deserve what’s coming. Complicated issue.
“I’m 35 years old, unemployed and live with my mother. Basically, I’m just lazy. Does that make me a loser?”
“I dumped my girlfriend because I couldn’t keep up with her sexually. What does that make me?”
– You must be the guy who lives with his mother.
“My football coach told me that if I wanted to put on weight over the summer I should drink as many shakes as possible in between meals. The recipe he gave me calls for three scoops of ice cream, whole milk, peanut butter, sweetened coconut flakes and chocolate syrup. Is that good for gaining weight?”
– That’s good for gaining FAT, wrecking your pancreas, and clogging up your arteries. Your coach is a fucking idiot. If you want to increase your weight, buy a quality weight gainer. Up Your Mass by MHP is a solid, reliable formula.
“My boyfriend reads Playgirl magazine pretty regularly. He says it’s because…”(remainder of question omitted by Jon)
– He’s gay.
“My wife has been going on “mental health retreats” with her therapist every other weekend for several months. Just the two of them. She says…”(remainder of question omitted by Jon)
– She’s fucking him.
“I’ve really been having trouble losing weight. I’m good on my own but I can’t stop myself from gorging on all the sweets people leave in the break room at work. I…”(remainder of question omitted by Jon)
– Learn to practice some self-control and, if that fails, stay the fuck out of the break room.
“My son has been repeatedly bullied at school. Verbally and physically accosted on multiple occasions by a child several years his senior. This had been out of the view of teachers and administrators, so nothing has really been done. But it continues. He’s a big, strong kid but passive by nature. Basically he’s terrified of getting on the bus every morning. What should I do?”
– This is a touchy subject, but if it were my son I would make an effort to teach him how to effectively throw a tight, hard hook with his dominant hand. In the event of another round of hands-on bullying, I would instruct him to launch that punch squarely to the bully’s nose, which, if done correctly, will bloody – if not break – it. That will end things right then and there. Perhaps you should consider enrolling him in some self-defense classes.