Dear Jonny, Horrible Death?
I’ve always thought burning to death would be the most horrible way to die. Can you think of anything worse?
But of course. How about having a syringe-full of Extra Strength Liquid Plumber injected into your liver. Or being locked, naked, in a phone booth packed with hundreds of giant, angry, acid-spitting Japanese hornets (they exist). Maybe being ever-so-slowly lowered, in complete darkness, into a large tank filled with a dozen enormous half-starved crocodiles smeared with glow-in-the-dark paint. Perhaps being hog-tied, then stuffed through a slit in the belly of a freshly-killed elephant, before having someone sew up the incision. Or – for the grand finale – being pumped full of lsd, then thrown from a plane cruising at 10,000 feet while wearing a fully functional parachute that you can’t open because your hands have been cut off….I don’t know about you, but I think burning to death suddenly seems like a privilege.