Dear Jonny, I Cheated…

16 Responses

  1. Beej says:

    people really are gonna ask you for relationship advice that’s priceless, Anastasia quit bein a whore have that baby n get that check!!! Good luck, beej

  2. Kipness says:

    I see very, very good things to come of this site Sir Goosealot.

  3. Zach says:

    Jesus Fuck! I think this Anastasia character will file today under the “I wish I’d been born before computers existed” section of her “I should have thought before I acted” part of her brain.

  4. Ray Bradshaw says:

    You’ve made this into a thinking man’s version of the Springer show. Props yet again, dude.

  5. Gassan says:

    This is why we need abortions…

    But… I bet Jon made this whole story up to increase the traffic :D

  6. Jon says:

    Lol. Did I make it up? No sir. Did I add a bunch of commas and correct 8 or so misspellings? You better believe it.

  7. Willy Rayz says:

    Dear Jon,

    If I’m laughing at all of this, does that make me a horrible person? I mean these people are really hurt now. Like really really hurt. But I’m laughing. I can’t stop. Please help me.


    • Jon says:

      Does it make you a horrible person if you laugh incessantly at people who, far from being victims of outside forces, willingly invite pain and misfortune into their lives? Nah. I laughed too.

  8. Gypsy Assassin says:

    Abortion is so underrated. Recently, my character has come under attack by my close family members, with the greatest attacker being a sister, who has not one…but two illegitimate teen daughters by two different fathers. The first child was conceived literally through a one night stand. The second, from a complete drug addict loser – who probably didn’t realize he was screwing a woman and not a drain pipe to his meth lab. I can’t even begin to address the added facets of dysfunction brought about by the decision to bring – not one – but two of these children into the world. I love these girls, don’t get me wrong, but the decision to give birth to them couldn’t have been more selfish. Selfish example Number 1: Their mother had no job at the time of her first child’s conception. Hello, welfare. Number 2: The father had absolutely NO intention of “dating” the mother, much less even screwing her twice. Number 3: Their mother would be living with the lucky grandparents, who could barely manage themselves, much less be so “lucky” as to have a new baby to take care of as well. Number 4: We tax payers got to pay for all kinds of “free” shit. The mother got to go to college FOR FREE, received FREE HOUSING, FREE FOOD, FREE DIAPERS…and so on and so forth. WHY? Because of the selfish decision by the mother to keep her baby. Okay, flash forward FIVE YEARS. Repeat. Seriously? Are you freaking kidding me? Not once, but TWICE? Makes me sick. Neither of these children should have been brought into this world. Period. And of course, since I did things the societal “right” way…meaning, I got married to a man that WANTED to marry me, then made the adult decision to have a baby when we had already purchased our second home – I’m now the bitch. Because my husband has a great job and we have a nice home which I keep clean & tidy – I am the bitch. When I try to help show these girls a few of the basic life skills, (that apparently their mother expects everyone else to teach them) like picking up cat turds off the floor and putting your dirty dishes in the sink instead of leaving them on the living room floor, I’m the bitch. You know what I say to her? You are the bitch. You are the selfish person who brought these children into the world under incredibly selfish circumstances, expecting everybody else to raise them for you. And when those girls end up jobless, homeless and pregnant – just like you did – Guess what? I’m not going to be picking up their pieces, because I’m the bitch. Guess Grandpa & Grandma & the welfare system can raise them too, eh?

  9. Jon says:

    Quite a catharsis, gypsy assassin. I don’t disagree with much – if any – of what you said. And it seems as if your sister has taken to projecting her underlying discontent/jealousy/frustration/anger unto you, probably because she wishes her life had ended up more like your own (stable, independent, comfortable). It’s much easier for her to point the finger in your direction – to call you a bitch – than it is to take a good, long, unfiltered look at her own life, and, in doing so, admit that she, and her actions, were (are) fucked up.

  10. tittleywinks says:

    made up!

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