Dear Jonny, Rock Bottom…
Things are pretty fucking bad. I’ve damn near hit bottom. I’d go into it, but my situation is not anything that advice from someone else will help. But maybe you can make me feel less bad about how much my life sucks right now by telling me about something horrible you’ve seen someone do. Their low point. I’d appreciate it.
– Wish To Remain Anonymous
Dear Wishes To Remain Anonymous,
Sure. I once knew a guy who became a severe alcoholic after his wife and two young boys were killed by a drunk driver. He himself began to drink and drive quite frequently, which led to numerous arrests. After doing 5 years in prison for his fourth DWI, he took to cruising around with plastic tubing stretched from the container that formerly held windshield wiper fluid (he filled it with vodka), up through his glove compartment, so he could suck alcohol from under the hood while driving. Not too long after concocting that innovation, he passed out behind the wheel, crashed into an oak tree, and was thrown from the car. The resulting impact left him paralyzed from the waist down, which caused him to drastically increase his drinking. He was diagnosed with a fatty liver in his early 40’s, and his alcohol consumption became greater still. When they found him dead from a self-inflicted gunshot wound a few years later, the suicide note indicated that he’d been reduced to crawling around his trash-strewn apartment, blowing boric acid off dead cockroaches before eating them for nourishment. If that doesn’t make you feel less bad, I don’t know what will.