Dear Jonny, Strangest Date?
What’s one of the strangest dates you’ve been on?
One of the strangest dates I’ve been on actually ended up being one of the more amusing times I’ve had. It was a blind date with a 30-something “marriage therapist” who, after gulping down three glasses of shitty Merlot, decided that she would turn into a bitchy female version of Sigmund Freud. She attempted to form a connection between my childhood, my muscles, and the reason I was being rude to her. I pointed out many holes in her theory, then calmly explained the motivation behind my rudeness: “I am being an asshole because immediately upon meeting you it became very clear to me that you view me in the same light as every man who enters your office with his wife, looking for help with marriage. You hate me. And you hate me because some time ago one man or more left you after seeing your true colors, which caused you to despise all men, which led you into a profession that would allow you to make money in exchange for blaming men for failed marriages, which, based on the way you downed that Merlot, fucks with your conscience a bit, no?” She cried into her linguine, then called a cab and left. I became extremely intoxicated on bourbon and Cokes at the beautiful mahogany bar, then went home with a foxy young woman who – I found out later – was cheating on her husband.