Dear Jonny, We Never Run Out Of Questions…
Answer some (more) questions…
“Are 6 pack abs just for showing off or is there any other reason for them besides attracting women?”
– Developing core strength is essential to achieving overall physical balance. Working the abdominal muscles is a large part of that process. Depending on genetics, diet, and activity level/type, one’s abdominal development may or may not manifest itself in the form of ‘ripped’ abs. Do you need those ripped abs to be in shape and/or have sufficient core strength and stability? No – it’s mostly vanity. But, as you alluded to, chicks dig the look.
“Over the last few months my girlfriend has been very secretive. She’s always going outside to sit in her car and have long phone conversations. Also she’s constantly texting, which is something she never did before. And like I said, she’s very secretive about it. Secretive and defensive. It’s driving me nuts! What are your thoughts, Jonny?”
– She’s either planning on throwing you a surprise party to end all surprise parties, or she’s fucking someone else.
“Do you think the human race will ever see worldwide peace?”
– Only if we blow ourselves into pieces.
“I think mankind will eventually be capable of using mathematics to understand the most complex intricacies of the universe. Thoughts?”
– I once saw my math professor walk into a stop sign.
“My fiancee is dead set on me buying her a (much) more expensive version of the same engagement ring her supposed best friend recently got. What do you think about that?”
– She sounds like a horribly shallow, mean-spirited bitch whose backward values and two-faced agenda will probably ruin your life
“Recently I took up golf. Will this get me into shape?”
– No, but if you forego golf carts in favor of walking, drink water instead of beer, and avoid shoveling down club sandwiches in the club house, you’re off to a decent start.
“What do you think of philosophy?”
– I think it has its merits. However, if you use it as an excuse to randomly quote Thus Spoke Zarathustra while playing smug coffeehouse nihilist, someone should kick you in the teeth.
“What are your thoughts on gay marriage?”
– Well, since gay people aren’t really people – since, technically, they’re animals – it doesn’t follow that they (animals) should be legally capable of marriage, does it? Just kidding. I absolutely support it, and so should any rational human being.
“Is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich washed down with a glass of 2% milk a good post-workout meal?”
– Nope. The proteins are slow-digesting and it’s chock-full of fat, neither of which characteristics should be present in a post-workout meal. Stick with a few scoops of whey protein isolate blended in cold water.
“Do you think it’s weird to have an imaginary girlfriend?”
– Not if she’s a proponent of blowjobs.