Dear Jonny, Where To Pick Up Women?
Where’s a decent place to pick up women? I’ve had enough of the bar scene and treating church like a sexual salad bar has only brought me headaches. Any thoughts?
– No Sex In The City
Dear No Sex In The City,
Why not try staking out the “Self-Help” section of a Barnes & Noble? In my experience a lot of attractive, vulnerable, nymphomaniac women frequent that area during the period following a separation from an asshole. They’ve probably very recently been to a touchy-feely therapist who’s convinced them that the only way they can stray from a pattern of destructive relationships is to resolve fundamental personal issues via looking inward. That leads them to a certain aisle in a certain book store, where you’ll be waiting for them with keen observations on the necessary steps toward collective self-improvement. You might pretend that you, too, are fresh out of an equally poor relationship that’s left you jaded and looking for answers. This common ground will throw her off guard long enough for you to buy her coffee, at which point you can recite some of your favorite passages (just pick a few at random, she won’t know the difference) from the latest Deepak Chopra book. In doing this you will, with very little effort, come across as smart, sensitive, and an all-around good guy, everything she’s been convinced she needs at that time. Subconsciously, she’ll almost instantly become emotionally dependent, paving the way for lots of sex and her eventual understanding – after you’ve dumped her – that, in the end, some people just can’t help themselves.