Dear Jonny, Fake Diet Allergies?

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3 Responses

  1. Gypsy Assassin says:

    What I love is when somebody is allergic to a food and therefore has a shit fit when it’s anywhere near them. I had a party recently and one of the desserts had a chocolate truffle on top. One woman asked me if they contained hazelnuts. My glib reply, “Probably. You shouldn’t eat it.” She waited about thirty seconds until more women entered the room, then asked me again. Knowing that she was just looking for an audience, I said loudly, “Hey, ladies. This dessert probably contains some nuts, so if you have an allergy, don’t eat them.” One would think this would have put the issue to rest…but no. A few more ladies came into the room and she once again had to announce to the room what would happen if she were to eat one of these deadly conconctions. She went on and on about how her eyes will swell, her throat would close, etc. I finally said at the top of my lungs, “ATTENTION, EVERYBODY! SUSIE is NOT ALLOWED TO EAT ONE OF THESE DESSERTS or SHE will DIE!” A couple of nervous giggles ensued…I put on my finest shit eating grin, whirl around, toss my hair, wine glass in hand…exit room. Those desserts were devoured in 60 seconds flat.

    • Jon says:

      “Knowing that she was just looking for an audience..” – Spot on, Gypsy Assassin. I like that you remembered to leave with your wine.

  2. April Johnson says:

    You just described the majority of people who shop at Ozark Natural Foods (or any natural food store, for that matter)

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