Tagged: Relationships

7

Top Ten Reasons To Jerk-Off Instead

Recently I read an article that explored the growing population of American men who are electing to forego dating/sex in favor of watching pornography, as the latter is more convenient, cheaper, safer, and considerably...

6

Shitting On Her Heart

I have a surprisingly clear memory of exchanging Valentine’s Day cards in elementary school. One raven-haired, Crayon-chomping vixen struck me as particularly alluring, so I took great care in scribbling “Will you be my...

7

Door Matt

While wolfing down gigantic chunks of perfectly charred beef on Saturday afternoon, I overhead a particularly foul-looking woman use her shrill, piercing voice to scream the following into her cell phone, after casually sipping...

8

Starring The Disturbed Badass And The Promiscuous Blonde‏

Promiscuous Blond: “Let’s fuck.” Disturbed Badass: “You’re a wholly artificial, despicably diseased, predictable, shallow, boorish, uneducated, unworldly, uncivilized, uncouth, and unacceptably mean-spirited excuse for a pathetically putrid dumpster whore. I detest you, your ceaseless...

8

Dear Jonny, We Beg For Your Advice…

Dear Jonny, Answer some (more) questions… – Readers Dear Readers, “You don’t have my IP address, so don’t even pretend that you do. You’re dead, motherfucker, You won’t even see it coming.” – I...

8

Dear Jonny, Eternal Questions…

Dear Jonny, Answer some (more) questions… – Readers   Dear Readers, “While I don’t think being an asshole all the time is very nice, why the hell is it so much damn fun sometimes?”...

9

The Top Ten Reasons Heat Waves Suck

Lately it’s been hot; oppressively, loathsomely, horridly hot. Abominably hot. Revoltingly hot. Soul-crushingly hot. Fucking hot. That said, there are a multitude of reasons to detest the heat. Here, for instance, are ten of...

7

Dear Jonny, We Demand Answers…

Dear Jonny, Answer some (more) questions… – Readers Dear Readers, “I know this reeks of cliche but my asshole neighbor is constantly walking his hulking German Shepherd on my front lawn, where it never...

6

I Love It

I love it when, while I’m ignoring the shitty music on an overcrowded patio as I use my under-carbonated beer to wash down a poor attempt at greasy pub fare, I see a [obviously...

7

Dear Jonny, Step Up And Answer…

Dear Jonny, Answer some (more) questions… – Readers Dear Readers, “I’ve got a very general question for you regarding training/athletics/health. I’m in my 30s, I’ve always been relatively in shape, with the odd slump...

5

Dear Jonny, The Questions Keep Tumbling Down…

Dear Jonny, Answer some (more) questions… – Readers Dear Readers, “What do you think of the newest science popularizers like Neil Tyson, Bryan Cox, and Michio Kaku to name a few?” – With few...

5

Crazy Bitch: Entry Three

An insane ex-girlfriend. A journal found. Published here and dissected by Jon for your enjoyment. Welcome back, friends, to “Diary Of A Crazy Bitch.” September 21 – “This weekend I went to a birthday...

8

Dear Jonny, We Never Run Out Of Questions…

Dear Jonny, Answer some (more) questions… – Readers Dear Readers, “Are 6 pack abs just for showing off or is there any other reason for them besides attracting women?” – Developing core strength is...

5

Crazy Bitch: Entry Two

An insane ex-girlfriend. A journal found. Published here and dissected by Jon for your enjoyment. Welcome back, friends, to “Diary Of A Crazy Bitch.” July 18th – “Last week I saw some trashy bitch...

5

Dear Jonny, We Need Some Answers Here…

Dear Jonny, Answer some (more) questions… – Readers   Dear Readers, “Last weekend at the club some huge guy repeatedly slapped the ass of the woman I was on a second date with. He...

8

Crazy Bitch: Entry One

Several weekends ago I spent half my Saturday cleaning out a storage locker filled with the remnants of a former residence. Most of the shit had been sitting there for five or more years,...

5

You Deserve To Be Drowned In Festering Sewage If…

They say that one should never judge a book by its cover, but if you’re staring dead-eyed through the smoke of your Marlboro while using a tightly rolled Hustler magazine to beat your morbidly...

2

Dear Jonny, Another Chunk O’ Questions…

Dear Jonny, Answer some (more) questions… – Readers Dear Readers, “I think woman are attracted to “assholes” for an evolutionary reason.My reasoning is that an “asshole” is the type of male who displays above...

4

Dear Jonny, The Questions Abound…

Dear Jonny, Answer some (more) questions… – Readers Dear Readers, “Do you eat meat? If so, how can you defend your position intelligently? If not then good for you!” – Yes, I eat grass-fed...