Tagged: Sex

7

Top Ten Reasons To Jerk-Off Instead

Recently I read an article that explored the growing population of American men who are electing to forego dating/sex in favor of watching pornography, as the latter is more convenient, cheaper, safer, and considerably...

4

Vegetarian Bacon

“Vegetarian bacon” – It’s pretty much impossible to pair those two words without coming across as a total asshole. There is nothing remotely vegetable-like about fatty, greasy, salty, smokey flesh cut from a glassy-eyed...

4

Steps

This morning I ate a few of the fat, wriggling maggots feeding on the putrefying gash running down my thigh. Their sliminess on my tongue caused me to gag, but as there was nothing...

8

Starring The Disturbed Badass And The Promiscuous Blonde‏

Promiscuous Blond: “Let’s fuck.” Disturbed Badass: “You’re a wholly artificial, despicably diseased, predictable, shallow, boorish, uneducated, unworldly, uncivilized, uncouth, and unacceptably mean-spirited excuse for a pathetically putrid dumpster whore. I detest you, your ceaseless...

10

Cyber Sluts

Recently, while I’ve been Googling things such as “Nymphomaniac Asian midgets with infected fingernail fetishes,” my computer has fallen victim to copious amounts of popups in the form of messages which are supposedly sent...

8

Dear Jonny, We Beg For Your Advice…

Dear Jonny, Answer some (more) questions… – Readers Dear Readers, “You don’t have my IP address, so don’t even pretend that you do. You’re dead, motherfucker, You won’t even see it coming.” – I...

8

Dear Jonny, Eternal Questions…

Dear Jonny, Answer some (more) questions… – Readers   Dear Readers, “While I don’t think being an asshole all the time is very nice, why the hell is it so much damn fun sometimes?”...

7

Dear Jonny, We Demand Answers…

Dear Jonny, Answer some (more) questions… – Readers Dear Readers, “I know this reeks of cliche but my asshole neighbor is constantly walking his hulking German Shepherd on my front lawn, where it never...

6

Faux Fucking: This Ain’t The Real Thing

The other night, after accidentally Googling something like “Oily Swedish lesbian cheerleaders have filthy whipped cream orgy in seedy motel room,” an advertisement for what appeared to be an elaborate virtual sex game, popped...

5

Dear Jonny, The Questions Keep Tumbling Down…

Dear Jonny, Answer some (more) questions… – Readers Dear Readers, “What do you think of the newest science popularizers like Neil Tyson, Bryan Cox, and Michio Kaku to name a few?” – With few...

8

Dear Jonny, We Never Run Out Of Questions…

Dear Jonny, Answer some (more) questions… – Readers Dear Readers, “Are 6 pack abs just for showing off or is there any other reason for them besides attracting women?” – Developing core strength is...

5

You Deserve To Be Drowned In Festering Sewage If…

They say that one should never judge a book by its cover, but if you’re staring dead-eyed through the smoke of your Marlboro while using a tightly rolled Hustler magazine to beat your morbidly...

2

Dear Jonny, Give Us More Answers…

Dear Jonny, Answer some (more) questions… – Readers Dear Readers, “Recently, I lost a friend over a situation where I got upset about my spouse not taking the car to the shop in a...

7

Dear Jonny, Question After Question…

Dear Jonny, Answer some (more) questions… – Readers Dear Readers, My girlfriend has recently expressed a desire to experience coprophilia. Should I be worried that I’m kinda turned on by the idea of giving...

6

Dear Jonny, Love At First Sight?

Dear Jonny, What do you think of the expression “Love at first sight”? – Jessica   Dear Jessica, I think it’s pretty much bullshit. I may have mentioned this before somewhere on my website,...

5

20 Things You’ve Never Said During Sex…

TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND/WIFE… – “I’m not who you think I am. I killed that guy a long time ago, then buried him in the backyard. My real name is Frankfurt.” – “I’ve been cheating...

5

Dear Jonny, Whoring Around?

Dear Jonny, I have been in a committed relationship for over a year and a half. The girl is cool, she is sort of stupid, but she’s nice and the sex is great. The...

4

Dear Jonny, Problems In The Bedroom

Dear Jonny, My fiance has always been honest and straightforward with me about his desire for sadomasochistic games/role playing. I’ve tried my best to accommodate him, I really have, but that stuff just isn’t...